Hi friends,

This article is my answer to the hundreds of questions I’m often asked about R U OK? and how to actually check in with someone and hold a conversation.

I hope by the end of this article you leave with two things:

• A bit more courage and confidence to check in with those around you.

• A tool you can use to start, hold, and close these conversations.

For context, I’ve been an R U OK? Community Ambassador since 2024 and I hold a post-graduate degree in psychology. What I’m sharing isn’t out of the ordinary or ground-breaking. I'm simply helping you upskill for the benefit of yourself and the communities you’re part of.

Why This Matters

In Australia and in countries across the world, people are struggling.

From cost-of-living pressures and a shrinking workforce to a loneliness epidemic, people are struggling. All you really need to know is that there are people in your life who are “doing it tough” and could use your support.

Many people hesitate to 'check-in' because of fear. Fear about invading someone’s privacy, saying the wrong thing, making it worse, or not knowing how to help at all.

And here’s the thing: the fear never fully goes away. There will always be a level of uncertainty in these moments. R U OK? exists to remind us that asking the question matters more than having the perfect words.

A Tool You Can Use

Here’s a simple way to approach an R U OK? conversation with more confidence:

1. Observe

   Notice changes in behaviour, mood, or language. Has their everyday talk become more negative? Are they staying at work later than usual? Have they been through something big (e.g., a job loss, a new baby, a breakup)?

   
   

2. Self-check in

   Before you start, ask yourself: do I have the capacity and energy to hold space for them right now? And sometimes the answer is no and that is OK. Is there someone else you could potentially encourage to check-in with them?

   
   

3. Environment

   Pick a setting that feels safe and relaxed. My favourite way to have these conversations are on a walk in nature or over a coffee.

   
   

4. Follow R U OK?’s ALEC steps

   

   A: Ask R U OK? in your own words (e.g. “How have you been travelling lately?”)

   L: Listen. Sometimes all people need is someone to really hear them. Use your two ears more than your one mouth. In other words: avoid giving advice unless you’re asked!

   E: Encourage action. Gently suggest supports: “Have you spoken to your GP?” or “What’s helped you in the past?”

   C: Check in. Follow up. This turns a one-off chat into an ongoing part of your relationship.

For a more detailed overview of how to ask and use ALEC click here.

Your Next Step

Courage in these conversations isn’t about having the perfect script. It’s about being willing to ask, listen, and show you care.

So today, don’t wait for the perfect moment. Reach out to someone in your life and ask: “Are you OK?”

A conversation could change a life.

For more tools and resources, visit R U OK?'s website and if you're in need of help click here.